* ;CHARLEEN.L ; Happiness is all I ever wanted . (:

P E A C E

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a piece of paper; But it's Empty

The diaryMy facts 0f life . (:

Thursday, January 15, 2009 ( 1/15/2009 12:29:00 PM )

Quick updates :
11 Jan
Ate supper with Gl0ria, was supp0se t0 eat at H0ng K0ng Cafe (0ur fav0urite hang0ut), but when we went in there, the staff sh0w us the seats, i asked her if she want t0 eat at Y0uth Park instead s0 ended up we ate at Y0uth Park and have carr0t cake as 0ur supper f0r the day . Damn l0ve the carr0t cake there ! Its s0 yummy ! L0ls, must try ! Have s0me heart t0 heart talk . And 0h, i am s0 rand0m . L0ls, this is what she said t0 me . I am SUPER rand0m, 0kays ? Haas

12 Jan
W0rk m0rning shift as usual after w0rk went h0me f0r dinner with families, w0rk was n0rmal, s0 far s0 g00d . Everything seems 0kays these days but n0t the sales . Hahaz .

0ff day . Decide t0 r0t at h0me again .
Starting a new life is n0t easy but is w0rth t0 try . Why n0t isn't it ?
I'm n0t a bad pers0n but why d0es pe0ple keep thinking that i am a bad GIRL ? Sighs );
First impressi0n g0ne f0r g00d .
Have t00 much regrets in life, did s0 many wr0ng things . Hard t0 retrieve it anym0re .
0h i am s0 rand0m again .
W00ts, its been veryyyyy l0ng since i last watch a m0vie . Any nice m0vie t0 rec0mmend ?
Feel s0 l0nely at times, find it hard t0 ask pe0ple 0ut n0wadays, perhaps i have been m0re quiet . N0t as 0ut-g0ing as bef0re . Why d0 attached c0uples always neglect their family and friends and just care ab0ut their s0ul mate ? Just can't understand .
M0st 0f the pe0ple i kn0w, self pr0 claim that friends c0me first, but when ask them 0ut they will say : s0rry i meet my bf lia0s . And etc . 0h whatever . S0me even sh0w0ff that they have a BF, s0 what if i d0n't have ? N0t a BIG deal, y0u think i care ? I shall n0t menti0n names here . Y0u kn0w wh0 y0u are . =)
S0 afterwhich met up my mind n0t t0 ask pe0ple 0ut, rather stay at h0me, update bl0g, chat and play games . Theref0re, i bec0me very anti-s0cial, i HATE t0 meet pe0ple i d0n't kn0w and stuffs .
And i fear having friends and BF . I been thru a l0t, s0 been there d0ne there . Fear 0f everything .
N0 c0urage f0r anthing, especially l0ves . I l0se trust and faith in pe0ple . 0nce y0u l0st my trust, its hard t0 gain back again .

I've already regretted, but its all t00 late .
I0Y, 0NE BIG HUG . = I 0wn y0u 0ne BIG hug .
Let the w0rds remain unsaid .
I'm happier n0w n0t because i am really happy cause i have t0 pretend t0 be .
Actually i am a n0t a very happy pers0n, leading my life blindly everyday . Well, i have t0 .
I am happy n0t because 0f pe0ple ar0und me cause i just t0 be happy . N0t f0r the sake 0f any0ne .
Fr0m n0w 0n, i want t0 build better and str0nger relati0nship with my family and pe0ple wh0m i kn0w 0nly . Stay as cl0se as p0ssible . I d0n't want t0 have any regrets in life again, d0n't wanna l0se any0ne by my side again . I cherish pe0ple m0re n0w . I am n0 l0nger the ME like i used t0 be . I want t0 be a better pers0n t00 .
Spend last night thinking ab0ut y0u and 0ur past, i kn0w i v0w t0 f0rget y0u and past but its hard, y0u c0me t0 my mind again, cause i l0ve y0u s0 much . I have an0ther pers0nal diary write everything y0u and me in the past and my th0ught f0r y0u and the w0rds i wanna tell y0u . But n0w, let the w0rds remain unsaid . I SEEM s0 useless t0 y0u, s0 why b0ther t0 l00k up f0r me again ? Just making use 0f me again . I was just plain t00 stupid and naive t0 believe in y0u 0nce again . Always th0ught we can make 0ut again . Its imp0ssible ... anym0re .
S0metimes when i see my c0ntacts and i see y0ur number, i can't help but think w0uld y0u be the pers0n beside me t0 be there whenever i need s0me0ne, but i kn0w the answer clearly than y0u d0 ... It was never y0u, at all . Be it the past, present 0r the future .
I'm t0tally 0ut 0f y0ur life, y0u n0 l0nger cares and l0ves me like y0u d0 years back . After we br0ke up, i was never a happy pers0n, i keep everything t0 myself, i change a l0t, a l0t .
This is retirbuti0n, i deserves it . Blame n0b0dy but myself f0r having this kind 0f attitude .
The 0nly thing i can recall in year 2oo8 is 0nly unhappiness and sadness . All the unhappy things . I d0n't want it either . Is just my faith . Been trying t0 h0ld 0n and stay str0ng, but d0esn't seem as str0ng as i was . I was just t00 weak . I need HELP !
I shall be a guai guai g00d girl n0w . =D

The days and chances 0f me surviving in my w0rkplace seem hard f0r me .
L0tsa 0f pr0blem c0ming up after w0rking l0ng in a place, start t0 dislikes this and that, the pe0ple there, the changes they did and etc . Feel very vexed ab0ut it .
In future, i have anything i feel unhappy ab0ut, i shall n0t tell any0ne and just bl0g it 0ut .
C0s' n0b0dy can be trusted . 0ne pers0n always makes a difference . Th0ught 0f finding a better j0b, but its hard, i d0n't really have qualificati0n and skills . I 0nly have experience . D0es this c0unts ? Hate myself f0r n0t studying harder in the past . SIGHS ); Its t00 late . I th0ught 0f w0rking in a pub .
F0r 0ne thing which is clear, that is c0lleague will always be c0lleague and n0t friends . =D

I want, i want , i want a CUTE puppy ! =)
I l0ve kids n0wadays, h0ping t0 be a MUMMY s00n, L0LS, n0 BF yet h0w t0 have kids ? L0LS right ? Hahas . They're s0 cute but naughty sia . But i d0ubt i can be a g00d Mummy as well, i am n0t a g00d GF in the past lia0s . I am n0t a g00d daughter but i will always be y0ur g00d listening ear . N0t friend, perhaps .
Maybe i just wan't g00d en0ugh . Wasn't g00d en0ugh t0 be anything 0r any0ne better .
Wasn't g00d en0ugh t0 be a g00d daughter, wasn't g00d en0ugh t0 be a g00d friend, wasn't g00d en0ugh t0 be a g00d GF in the past, i wasn't g00d en0ugh t0 be any0ne . I wasn't b0rn the way i want, i wasn't b0rn PERFECT . I am just n0t g00d en0ugh .
I can't ch00se wh0 i wanna be .
Maybe i was b0rn t0 be imperfect but n0w i want t0 be a perfecti0nist .

Been having blur visi0n, am i g0ing t0 be blind s00n ? Thinking t00 much again .
But if 0ne day i really turn blind, i will cry till i die . Bec0me crazy als0 .
N0t en0ugh sleep as well, been sleeping late, can't sleep well recently . What 0n earth is happening t0 me ?
C0ngrats me 0n "quit sm0king" f0r nearly three bl00dly weeks . C00l, but tends t0 eat a l0t . I am fatter n0w . And it SUCKS !
Thanks t0 that BIG fall, my leg's c0mplexti0n really SUCKS, make me have t0 wear 0nly jeans and leggings, n0 m0re sh0rts . Ugly scars . It g0t w0rst instead 0f getting any better . I hate wearing jeans, its my facts 0f life . Hate having peri0ds, feel extremely m00dy des . M00d is unstable .

New addicti0ns : Faberdrive, simple plan, click five and ETC ...
They're my new addicit0ns f0r n0w, cause they're H0T ! I l0ve H0T guys ! Haaz . =) Wh0 d0esn't ? Can't resist huhs ? Dr00ling 0ver them . Guess i need a tissue, lame, i kn0w . Haas .
Guys wh0 have n0 temper and sh0ws cares and c0ncern ab0ut my family turns me t0tally 0n ~ ! Guys having tatt00s and BANGS is H0T ~ ! L0ve them t0 death ~ ! L0LS .

0ne m0re m0nth t0 Valentine's Day . What y0u pe0ple plan t0 d0 ? Well, i d0n't have any plans, perhaps just catch a m0vie al0ne 0r just w0rk . Valentine's Day is n0t f0r me .
And i d0n't celebrate, this year g0nna be l0nely again . =) I'm PRETTY used t0 it .
I want t0 buy M + Y steel ring, it remind me 0f the past, but mem0ries is always sweet, its very imp0rtant t0 me . I h0pe i can get the same design years back the design y0u give me . N0t interested and keen in relati0nships . L0nely Valentine . HAHAS . G0ing t0 celebrate al0ne again like last year, watch m0vie al0ne . L0LS, i'm n0t sad just feel happy cause at least i've time f0r myself .

Life is s0 fraglic, y0u will never kn0w wh0 is g0ing t0 leave y0u next .
Feel s0 vexed 0ver my items which i want t0 sell .
Needs m0ney urgently .

Feel like learning MUSIC . Like pian0, guitar and ... Lets spin the music .
Play THE music .

0ne piece 0f g00d news, my camera is d0ne ! =) N0 CHARGE . S0 happy, was planning t0 get it t0day but changed my mind and decide t0 get it at my next 0ff day . Can't wait f0r it, was waiting f0r nearly three bl00dly weeks .
N0t buying any new year cl0thes, perhaps, have way t00 much cl0thes . Especially s0me is still new . Never wear bef0re . Save that extra bucks . (:
Its time f0r cleaning up f0r CNY ! I need th0se BIG bucks ! I need t0 sell 0ff all my cl0thes that i d0n't wear 0ff ASAP ! I w0n't be buying s0 many cl0thes that 0ften . Need t0 start saving m0ney f0r rainy days .
D0 i l00k like s0me underage girl when i tie my hair up ? A l0t 0f pe0ple says that, i think s0 . S0 kidish . G00d 0r bad ?

l0ves & misses
babyLEEN

Labels: My facts 0f life . (: W0rdy p0st, rand0m . Just edited .