* ;CHARLEEN.L ; Happiness is all I ever wanted . (:

P E A C E

Tried to write a letter; In ink
I've got a piece of paper; But it's Empty

The diaryThis is life .

Thursday, December 3, 2009 ( 12/03/2009 02:01:00 PM )

Fcuk the bl00dy c0nnecti0n . Pr0xy and firewall, what the heck !
Damn Singtel !
I hate Singtel lahs !
First, I can't c0nnect t0 the Internet, then I can c0nnect t0 the MSN, n0w I wanted t0 visit pages like Faceb00k, Y0utube and Yah00, just can't access . I need help badly !
And I think my deskt0p kanna virus . What c0uld I d0 ?
The wh0le c0mputer just feel very laggy and sl0w .
S0 I hate using the net n0w .
Back t0 n0rmal (Internet) . Damn pissed 0ff, I typed everything 0ut and the fcuking internet c0nnecti0n went insane !

0ff t0day, went t0 visit Grandpa with Sister just n0w in the aftern00n .
It breaks my heart t0 see him like this .
B0th his legs is amputated . He keep c0mplaining that his legs is painful .
I remember last time when we are y0ung, he will n0t f0rget t0 buy l0llip0p, sweets and yakult f0r us . But s0meh0w, Mummy d0esn't like him t0 d0 that .
He d0te 0n us a l0t last time .
Regretted f0r n0t spending m0re time with him when he is able t0 walk, n0w he can 0nly use wheelchair and the saddest part is that he can't rec0gnise me and my Sister, he 0nly remember Br0ther . But Br0ther is busy with w0rk s0 he d0 n0t have time t0 see him . All his excuses . If we c0uld visit him 0ften when he is healthy, at least we c0uld catch up with him and his health . I l0ve my family a l0t . But s0metimes find it hard t0 sh0w care and c0ncern t0wards them, perhaps is because I'm t00 shy and n0t g00d at expressing myself .

What is happening t0 me ?
Why d0 I feel this way ?
My c0nfident level dr0pped . Have n0 c0nfident d0ing anything .
What 0n earth is happening t0 me ?
I can't seem t0 have any c0nfident and c0urage d0ing things .
Where have the real me g0ne t0 ?
And my c0nfident ? Why w0uld this happen t0 me ?

L0neliness can spread just like a flu .
y0u might spread it t0 y0ur friends and y0ur friends will spread t0 their friends and it will be like a cycle, with n0 ending .
S0 l0neliness kills .
N0w I kn0w the real reas0n why I'm a s0 in-secure and n0t trusting pers0n . Cause I'm l0nely .
S0metimes I feel extreme l0nely in this w0rld . As th0ugh I have n0thing .

H0pe s0meday I can be truely happy and find my happiness ! Hahaz .
Let happiness find me . (:

X0x0
L0ve me, Charleen . (:

Labels: c0nfident level dr0pped, fcuking c0nnecti0n, grandpa legs being amputated, happiness find me ., l0neliness